Frustrated Because To-Do List Tasks Take Too Long? Here's What To Do.
How many times have you said, I'm going to finish something in 30 minutes and it ends up taking all day long?
You end up completely frustrated with yourself, you blame it on yourself…
What if you had the magic secret to estimating how long all your tasks will take you so you don't have to feel behind and flustered ever again?
In this blog post, I'm going to give you the magic secret that you're looking for when it comes to estimating how long things will take for tasks in your business!
Become Aware
First, it's super important to just become aware of, is this problem is happening to you? Do things take way longer than you want them to? It's important to become aware of how you spend your time and what you end up spending your time on for estimating how long things will take you.
When you're not paying attention to how long writing that blog post, scheduling out content for your Instagram or Facebook, interacting with potential clients, then you will continue to be unrealistic about what you put on your to-do list, therefore your output in your business. Which is really the real reason you feel behind, scattered and overwhelmed.
Without becoming aware of how you spend your time, you're going to continue to think that you can send an email newsletter every single week, post every single day on Instagram and Facebook, still have time to polish your offer, attract clients AND do all the other things that actually make your business a business.
How to do that? I would say simple activity, get a time tracker app, get a piece of paper, get an Excel spreadsheet going, whatever fuels your fire. Just pay attention to how long things take you in your business for a week or two.
1.5-2X Rule
The next thing I want to ask you is, are you taking the time to estimate how long things will take you?
For example, a blog post, are you putting that into consideration when you are making a to-do list? OR are you flying by the seat of your pants thinking that you can finish eight things on your to-do list today when in reality, each of them takes HOURS to get done?
If you're saying Becca, I don't know how to estimate how long things will take me... That's why we go back to just becoming aware and keeping track of how long these tasks take you on a normal basis and then you'll have a better idea of it.
But, I'm going to share with you some things that you can do to estimate now without taking the time to track and analyze your time over the span of a week or two.
I want to flip that question on its head, so instead of asking how long will that blog post take me, ask yourself is how long do I want to spend on that blog post?
How long do you want to spend on that task?
When you flip that question on its head, you can't say I don't know anymore!
You have to get specific, do you want to spend eight hours on one blog post? Do you want to spend hours, days, weeks, months, maybe years on a task?
No, probably not. You want to get things done efficiently and effectively so you can continue to grow your business.
Things are going to take eight weeks, months, maybe even years, if you are continuing to pile on more and more and more under your to-do list without estimating how long you want to spend on them.
This is where I share with you my magic trick. After I became more aware of how long things were taking me and I did the whole time tracking activity… I realized that things took me about one and a half or two times as long as I wanted to spend on them or how long I thought they should take.
Thanks to my engineering brain!
So when I'm planning my week, I write my to-do list just like you probably do, and then next to each task, I write how long I want to spend on each thing and then I multiply it by one and a half or two.
For example, since I create YouTube videos, I would love to script a month's worth of videos in an hour but, I think that is a lofty goal. It still takes me a little bit longer than an hour to script four videos, so I'll multiply it by two. Then, I schedule in my calendar two hours to script my YouTube videos for the next month.
This little trick will help you estimate how long things will actually take you so you don't have to feel shame about not getting everything done and being super unrealistic about your to-do list.
Again, this is super individualized so I want to encourage you to go back to the exercise of tracking your time. Maybe writing a blog post or scripting YouTube videos will take you three times as much. Or three and a half when you're just starting out and there's nothing wrong with that.
Try not to get caught up in the hustle culture mindset or mode. When you're just starting your own business, you're learning a ton of new things on the daily! Your brain is on overdrive and so when things take a little bit longer, it's okay.
You just want to estimate realistically so you don't stress yourself out and think that you should be doing more when in reality we're learning, we're getting amazing work done on the time frame that we can. Time management just got a whole lot easier!
Want the exact steps showing you how to curate a calendar that works and feels amazing for YOU?
Check out Soulful Scheduling - a self-paced course for busy adults with limited time.
The perfectionist-procrastination cycle
This leads me into the next topic, which is the perfectionist-procrastination cycle. They are super connected. You might have both, one, or the other but it's really important to talk about this when it comes to estimating how long things will actually take you.
I'm bringing this up because it's a huge cycle that I see with my clients and, while these two topics can be talked about in completely individual videos of themselves, about going into why they're there and how to fix them.
But if you're spending hours writing something because you're a perfectionist and you're pouring all of your heart, energy, and soul into this thing, then you probably are experiencing some sort of perfectionism. You probably want to add that into your magic trick right? Things will probably take 3.5 to 4 times longer. Unless you do the work to figure out why perfectionist tendencies are coming out.
The same thing with procrastination, if you tend to put things off and off and off and you don't end up starting until like an hour or two later, then maybe add that in the time that it takes, so you know what you are spending your 24 hours on.
Granted, those are band-aid solutions. I am NOT talking about how to get to the root of them, lovingly solve them and work through them. These are just simple tips that you can use to estimate and be more realistic about your to-do list. I will be doing a video on both of these things because I used to have both of them! However, if you do want to do a little bit of self-coaching around perfectionist or across procrastination tendencies, feel free to just get out a piece of paper right now, stop reading and just write down. Ask yourself, why do you think that you are being a perfectionist when it comes to this task that you are taking hours and hours on? and why are you procrastinating starting things? Just ask yourself why. That's like the greatest question, how to get down to the root and get closer and closer to healing.
If you feel guilty about pushing your tasks back and back, then you need to check out this other post, “3 things that you miss when you write your to-do list” because that blog is really going to get to the root of why you keep pushing your tasks back and why you feel so overwhelmed and overworked all of the time!
If you love this blog post and you got a super awesome tip from it, feel free to comment that tip below. I would love to get to know how this post helped and how are you going to start implementing this!
What to do when you get frustrated
When faced with the frustration of not finishing tasks on time or struggling to accurately estimate how long tasks will take, it's essential to recognize the interplay between your energy levels and your capacity for focus. Especially for individuals with ADHD, a boring task can induce a state of hypofocus, where dopamine levels plummet, making even simple tasks feel insurmountable.
Rather than berating yourself for not meeting deadlines, consider giving yourself grace. Acknowledge that your brain's innate wiring affects how you engage with tasks, and it’s more than okay to find certain activities draining. Allow yourself to take frequent breaks or switch to a more stimulating (or fun!) task when you notice your focus waning, as this can help recharge your mental energy.
When you get frustrated, I also recommend using it as an opportunity to strengthen your confidence, even if that feels impossible in the moment. Building confidence in your ability to manage your time effectively involves reframing your self-talk. Instead of succumbing to negative thoughts like "I can't do this" or "I'll never finish," challenge those narratives by focusing on small, easily achievable steps.
Remind yourself that progress often comes in increments and that it's perfectly acceptable to start with just a few minutes of focused work. For instance, telling yourself, “I am willing to engage with this task for just ten minutes” can shift your mindset from feeling overwhelmed to one of possibility, potential, and hope. This positive self-talk not only helps lift your confidence but also helps to create a more optimistic environment for task completion.
Finally, it’s vital to cultivate an understanding of your own unique rhythms and limitations. Keep a journal to track your energy levels and how they correlate with different tasks. This would help you gain insight into when you're most productive and feeling the best. And then don't forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to reinforce the positive feedback loop that fuels motivation and focus. By treating yourself with kindness and compassion, you can navigate the challenges of effective time management. Remember that it's not about perfection but about progress.
Want the exact steps showing you how to curate a calendar that works and feels amazing for YOU?
Check out Soulful Scheduling - a self-paced course designed to help you take back control of how you spend your valuable time every day.
5 Self reflection questions for an end of the year review session
5 Self reflection questions for an end of the year review session
We 21st-century humans move through life at such a high speed, whether it feels fast in the moment or not, we often miss what’s right in front of us.
As a time coach, reflecting is the key to intentionality, healing, growth, progress, and success.
Self-reflection or introspection helps you acknowledge what you did, who you were, and what went right.
It can also help you determine what can go better moving forward. Better meaning more authentic or aligned. Not better according to society or guilt.
Want to feel more aware of how you spent your time?
Want to more easily celebrate yourself? Feel more compassion, motivation, and confidence?
Grab a pen and paper or open a fresh google doc to reflect on your last year with me!
Before continuing, PAUSE!
Before we pause and reflect, let’s get super meta and pause to take a few big deep breaths.
Feel free to close your eyes, put your hands on your heart for a gesture of self-compassion, and take three big deep breaths.
Open your eyes, when you’re ready, and we'll go ahead and get started.
5 Self-reflection questions for an end-of-year review session
Q1: What happened in your life and business?
The first question that I always need to journal or think about to decompress from the past year was: What happened in my life? What happened in my business or job?
Here’s what happened in my life and business and what I learned in 2022.
Pause reading this blog, and take some time to journal about this question. I’d recommend 10 to 15 minutes. Feel free to open up your digital calendar or planners to help jog your memory.
Q2: What happened in the world around you?
The second question is: What happened in the world around me?
So not just in your personal life, but expanding out to what happened in your community and the world.
In 2022, we seem to be recovering from COVID, wars and revolutions broke out, elections were had, and so much more. I often forget about how current events in the world impact me and add internalized stress and anxiety.
Feel free to take another 10 to 15 minutes to jot down all the things that happened in the world around you that you can think of.
Q3: What goals did you accomplish? Not accomplish?
The third question is: What were the goals that I set at the beginning of the year? Which of them happened, and which didn’t?
If you want to go deeper, ask yourself why you think that was the case. For the goals that happened, what supported you in accomplishing them? For the ones that didn’t happen, how can you give yourself permission to let go of them?
If you need help letting it go, go back to the last question, what happened in the world around you? What happened in your life? Hopefully, those two questions will give you a bit of permission or compassion around why they didn't come to fruition.
Pause reading and journal about that connecting to the last two questions and truly start to see kind of how all these things that impact our time, ourselves, and our lives start to fit together.
Q4: What have you learned over the past year?
The next question that I always love to reflect on is: What significant lessons can I gather from the last year of my life? Some additional questions are:
What have I learned from all the things that have happened?
What did I learn about what makes me successful?
Then, ask yourself: How might I carry these lessons with me into the new year?
Again, pause reading here to take some time to journal about your takeaways now.
Q5: How can you celebrate yourself and your efforts?
The fifth and final question is: How can I celebrate myself and my efforts?
If you're here reading this and reflecting on your last year, that is enough to celebrate. I’m celebrating you reflecting and reviewing the past year because it’s 100% going to set you up for success.
A simple and easy way to celebrate yourself is through self-talk. You can say to yourself, “Thank you for making it through another year. Thank you for reflecting. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you!!!”
Another question you can ask yourself is: What do I need to do to make sure I actually celebrate myself?
It’s really easy for people to move right past celebrating themselves. This is the most important part of the end-of-year review session. You deserve celebration and acknowledgment!
Ok, I lied. Q6: Where would you like to be in a year from now?
With your above reflections and this question, it’s time to create a plan for 2023 that is sustainable, realistic, and most importantly authentic to you.
Want to end 2023 knowing that you made the best use of your time, energy, and attention?
Want to be able to take more time off to rest and take care of yourself than ever before? Or discover the strategies that will help you stay focused on and follow through with what matters most in your life?
Whatever it is, I'm here for it.
Click here to learn how time coaching can support you as you thrive into the next phase of your life.
Themed Days: A surprisingly powerful way to make time to create
If you’re here, you’ve most likely got big dreams, a big heart, and somehow… never enough time to create the things you want to create.
Whether it’s writing, art, bringing new offerings into the world, or anything else that brings you joy.
Now if you’re a creative soul, traditional time management advice isn’t usually your cup of tea. For good reason, most of it feels shame-y and icky.
However, when used in a curious and compassionate way, I’ve seen the most anti-structure folks find a way forward that works for them and helps them do the things they’ve been trying to do for years.
If you’ve been struggling with never having enough time to create, themed days are here to help you make the most of your day.
Keep reading to learn more.
Why is finding creative time such a challenge?
Bills! Survival Mode! Valuing working/doing over creating! Self-sabotage! Limited capacity! Feeling undeserving of creative time! Etc! Etc! Etc!
There are so many reasons why finding time to create such a challenge, and so many things fighting for our precious time and energy. Know you’re not alone in this.
If you wear tons of different hats, finding a way to collaborate with time is extremely important. And themed days are a surprisingly powerful way to heal what might be keeping you from creating and finally, create.
Who might benefit the most from using themed days?
If you…
Never have enough time to create/make things for any reason. Often because you seem to always do other things.
Struggle with the “time is up” phenomenon (you feel inspired one day and would like to spend more time on something. Yet the schedule you’d made tells you that time is up and you need to move to your next time slot. UGH, the worst!)
Want to be more space + flowy + intuitive with your scheduling. Click here to read about why intuition is so important when it comes to your schedule.
Want to make easier or faster progress on a project you care about.
Find yourself multi-tasking or getting distracted more than you’d like to.
Struggling with being consistent and/or self-disciplined.
Resonate with any of these? Then themed days might be a good next thing to experiment with!
What are themed days?
As defined by Leonard Alexandru, themed days are about “Having each day of the week (or the work-week) dedicated to a certain topic or project.”
Blaz Kos shares, “Themed days are strategically planned days in your calendar which are completely dedicated to one single thing.”
I wanted to share both of those definitions as they might be helpful for your understanding. However, I’m a rebellious, creative, spiritual soul language is really important to me. How things are said makes a huge difference in being able to buy into and effectively use tools and strategies.
That being said, I would define themed days as, “Regular scared containers of time dedicated to deeply important things.”
Is language important to you too? Do you have a different definition? I’d love to hear it in the comments below.
How to create themed days that feel good to you
Identify the things that are deeply important to you (see definition of themed days above).
Open your calendar or the thing you use to visualize your time. See what time you have or can make available.*
If you don’t have something, pick someplace you’re going to use to visualize your time (I use my google calendar for everything!)
Pick a set amount of time (half-day, day, etc.) that you can turn into a sacred container.
Pair the important things with the sacred container, and that’s your theme!
After you’ve set up a themed day, you can get more granular and turn that time into smaller blocks of time connected to specific things you’d like to do.
Ask yourself what you need to have in place or do to commit to your sacred container.
This can range from communicating boundaries with others, changing your availability in your scheduling system, or sitting with it until the theme feels right to you.
These steps might feel simple, but they are profound when integrated. When themed days are properly set up, following them feels natural and 10x easier to do.
*A solid foundation for themed days is knowing your capacity, availability, and responsibilities and having a home for them. Again, I use a weekly schedule template in my google calendar to holistically capture all of this.
How I’ve historically used themed days in my life
When I was starting out with my business, I was also an engineer working 5 days a week. I themed out 3 hours each day of the week for all of the things I needed to do to grow my business.
Monday’s were CEO days (planning, reviewing, mindset, strategy).
Tuesdays were building days (develop offerings).
Wednesdays were writing content days.
Thursdays were grow days (networking, talking to people, etc.)
Fridays were bonus days to do anything I didn’t get to.
Now, my themed days have simplified a bit and have gotten more intuitive:
Monday’s are to create whatever I want to create.
Tuesday - Thursday are call-focused days (clients, networking, podcasting, etc.)
The rest of my time is off/unscheduled.
Watch out for these common themed day pitfalls
1. Automatically assuming themed days won’t work for you.
Of course, never try to force things on you if they don’t feel right. However, when we immediately think about why something won’t work for us, we won’t see what parts might work for us. Ultimately this keeps up stuck.
2. Not experimenting with your themes until you find what feels good.
Themes (aka what’s most important to us) are always evolving and changing. Try not to expect them to perfectly work at first, or forever.
3. Not being flexible in real-time.
Things come up in life and they change things. This is expected, and it doesn’t mean you or your themed days suck. You are completely in control of your themes, sacred containers, and time.
4. Overdoing it.
It can be really easy to overdo planning in an attempt to feel safe and keep uncertainty at bay. If you create many different themed days before integrating even one, it will most likely feel overwhelming and you’ll want to scrap it all.
Give yourself permission to get creative with time strategies!
Themed days are one of those things that can be used rigidly, ineffectively, and shame-y. They can also be used in a powerful, creative, and spiritual way.
When themed days are used with curiosity and compassion, I’ve seen even the most anti-structure folks find a way forward that works for them and helps them do the things they’ve been trying to do for years. You can too!
Want to set up themed days that’ll WORK (no messin’ around)? Read more about my Sustainable Schedule VIP Day.
Partner Works Too Much? Why & What To Do About It
My partner means so much to me. We just celebrated four years (watch this short montage reel I created!) of marriage and it still feels like we’re in the honeymoon phase most days.
I credit much of the strength of our relationship to the healing and growth work I’ve done around time, worth, and success.
Why?
Simply put, time is your life. Time is your presence. And it’s how you show love.
Before I started healing my own misunderstandings around time... I spend most of it working. Not just on my “work-work”. I was always going and doing things.
Without checking everything off my to-do list and successfully achieving all my goals, I didn’t feel deserving of love or partnership.
Where did this leave me? Us?
While I cherished my relationship, it was suffering because of my inability to be with him. I rarely sat still long enough to form a real and deep connection with myself, let alone my partner.
Cue all the frustration, resentment, and guilt.
I created this blog for those of us craving more presence with our partners, our kids, our family members, or even ourselves. Keep reading for an inside look at making time for loved ones, because it is possible to have time for everything that’s important to you. And holistic time management can help get you there.
How do you know if you or your partner works too much?
These are the signs that I personally experience, and my clients’ experience, when we’re not making time for our loved ones.
Frustration, resentment, and/or guilt towards self or partner.
Feeling physically, mentally, or emotionally disconnected from your partner.
Never having time to cook and enjoy meals together.
Feeling unbalanced in domestic duties.
Struggling to not talk about work when you aren’t working.
Any successes you do have feel empty.
Think of something else I haven’t included in the list above? Feel free to share your unique experience in the comments below - who knows, others might be in the same spot.
Why is it so difficult to make time for our partners? We love them!
If your partner works too much or you find it difficult to make time for your partner... You are not alone.
As a time coach, an extremely common goal of my clients is to have more time for their loved ones. They want to know, “why is it so hard to make time for the people I love?”
Often it’s not about a lack of love. It’s because we’ve been taught to place more value on work, money (especially if we’re in survival mode), and success.
Many people label time with loved ones as rest, time off, and/or self-care. As we know, those are some of the most challenging things to actually have time for. We have to flip this inherent prioritization in order to reclaim our time.
If you’re a business owner, this feeling can compound even more. Our businesses feel like our babies in a way, taking time away from them feels impossible. Businesses that are passion-led and mission-based are deeply connected to our purpose.
Want to read more about the truth about the difficulty of taking time off? Click here.
What to do if you or your partner works too much?
The answer to this is a complex one. Because you and your relationships are unique, giving tips and advice doesn’t feel all that useful here.
The best thing I can offer are these three coaching questions:
Is making time for your loved one important to you?
If so, why? What will happen in your life if you make more time for them?
What is ONE small thing you can implement today to be more present with them? Some steps could look like:
Pause and take a deep breath (or three).
Setting clear expectations with your partner about how you spend your days.
Discover and focus on doing the things you both love to do together.
Heal any limiting beliefs around what’s preventing you from making time for them and being present.
Create time management systems to make the time actually happen. For example, a shared calendar to more openly communicate your schedules. In my Sustainable Schedule VIP Day, I’ve worked with clients to create shared calendars with their partners, for their kids, and a co-parenting schedule. Learn more here.
Adopt a practice mindset where it’s okay to mess up and fail sometimes.
Recognizing the little moments throughout the day.
Notice a trend in all these steps above? They’re all related to time management.
Why time management is so important for good relationships
Simply put, time is your life. Time is your presence. And it’s how you show love.
It’s also how you make money, pay your bills, and find fulfillment in your life.
Making time for everything that’s important and meaningful to you is no doubt a juggling act. I’ll be the first to say it is a constant work in progress. (Yes, even for me… a time coach).
Time management is the most important thing you can focus on because when you effectively accomplish everything you need to, tasks don’t bleed over into your time with your loved ones.
You can relax and enjoy the company of your people without feeling guilty (HUGE!)
When you prioritize and dedicate time and energy to your relationship, it will flourish.
If you are able to tap into the present moment when you’re with your partner, it’ll be a lot easier to feel connected and loved.
The opposite is also true. When you don’t spend time with the people that mean the most to you, the relationship will suffer in some way. Learn more about the benefits of rethinking how you manage your time.
Holistic Time Management is your best bet for making time for loved ones
Traditional time management focuses on helping you be your most productive self at work, sometimes at home. When you set goals, create a schedule, or write a to-do list… it’s rarely encouraged or taught to include things like rest, time off, and/or self-care.
If we equate our relationships with those things, it makes complete sense to me that they don’t happen as often as we’d like them to.
Holistic time management understands the entire scope of your life and what’s most important to you, like your relationships. Managing your time with a holistic approach will allow you to be a whole human being.
Learn more about why holistic time management works so well here.
Want your evenings back to spend with your partner (not thinking about work?)
Learn more about 1:1 holistic time coaching.
5 Powerful healing herbs for moments of stress and recovery
The nervous system weaves the connection from our brain, mind, emotions, and intentions with our physical body.
It helps us communicate with the world around us through movement, touch, taste, smell, and perception and regulates our internal environment through breath, circulation, digestion, and so much more.
So, when our nervous system is dysregulated, we can feel dysregulated physically, mentally, and emotionally.
If you’re running a business, your nervous system gets deregulated quite frequently.
From nerve-wracking sales conversations, long hours, feelings of overwhelm, and the pressure of making money to pay the bills… it’s a lot.
However, when you take care of your mind, body, and spirit, life and business become so much easier.
Read this guest blog post to learn how healing herbs can take better care of you, your nervous system, and your business.
Written by: Andie Inscoe, MS (she/her)
Why are herbs so important?
Short- and long-term stress can interrupt the healthy function of the nervous system and the harmonious function of the body as a whole.
This leaves us feeling stressed, anxious, depleted, overwhelmed, tense, and restless, with poor digestion, low energy, susceptibility to sickness, and overall weakened resilience.
Herbs offer a gentle hand when we are going through stressful times or enduring the ever-present stressors of modern life.
The phytochemicals in plants communicate directly with our cells, protect and support the healthy structure and function of tissues, organs and harmonize the whole body.
Healing herbs have the power to soothe and relax the mind, body, and spirit, restore nerve tissue, increase the body’s resilience to stress, provide nutrients and minerals, support the immune system and digestion, improve sleep quality, and so much more.
5 Powerful healing herbs
Chamomile
Latin name: Matricaria recutita
Part used: Flower
Herbal actions:
Relaxes the nervous system
Eases digestive troubles
Aromatic
Reduces spasms
Mildly sedating
Chamomile is a friend when stress brings you into the space of feeling physically and mentally agitated, overwhelmed, very emotional, or “fussy” by your surroundings. It settles stomach tension, cramping, and upset caused by nervousness or uneasiness. It is a calming flower, with a mild sedative quality that eases anxiety before bedtime and calms nightmares.
Preparation(s):
Infusion - add 1-2 tsp to 1 cup of recently boiled water. Cover and allow to steep for 15-20 minutes. Strain and enjoy.
Tincture - 1-5 dropperfuls, 1-4 times daily in a little water
Rose
Latin name: Rosa spp.
Part used: Buds
Herbal actions:
Ease the heart
Elevate mood
Reduces stress
Aromatic
Relaxes the nervous system
Reduces tension
Aphrodisiac
Calming to the heart and mind
Rose’s loving gifts center around the heart. Rose is a tried and true remedy for stress surrounding grief, loss, depression, anxiety, and emotional shock, especially involving loved ones, love affairs, and any emotions felt strongly in the heart space. It calms, relieves tension, and lightly elevates the mood. Rose is useful when feeling a lack of self-love or when wanting to enhance love and intimacy for yourself or with others.
Preparation(s):
Infusion - add 1/2-1 tsp to 1 cup of recently boiled water. Cover and allow to steep for 15-20 minutes. Strain and enjoy.
Tincture - 10 drops to 1 dropperful, 3 times daily in a little water
Rose Hydrosol - spray around and inhale 2-3 deep breaths, as needed
Milky Oat Tops
Latin name: Avena sativa
Part used: Milky tops
Herbal actions:
Nutritive, mineralizing
Tonify and restore healthy function to nerve tissue & the nervous system
Uplifting to the spirit
Milky Oat Tops bring strength and restoration when stress has been chronic or long-term, bringing vitamins and minerals to nourish and replenish a depleted system. Oat Tops encourage recovery from intense overwork, overwhelm; feelings of fatigue, depletion; physical and mental exhaustion; and particularly stressful periods of time or illness. It is gently calming and brings along a sense of long-needed wellbeing.
Preparation(s):
High mineral, nutritive infusion - lightly grind ½-1 cup herbs and add to 1 quart of recently boiled water, allow to steep 8 hours to overnight. Strain and enjoy.
Skullcap
Latin name: Scutellaria lateriflora
Part used: Aerial parts
Herbal actions:
Tonify and restore healthy function to nerve tissue & the nervous system
Reduces spasms
Induces sleep
Reduces anxiety
Skullcap is called upon when having trouble relaxing, with tension tightening especially around the head, neck, and shoulders. When stress results in an overactive mind causing mental, emotional, and physical irritation, that may result in light spasms. There may be feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, panic, or oversensitivity to light, sounds, or textures. Skullcap is especially calming at night, as it soothes the mind and body and encourages sleep and restfulness, and can be helpful if stress is keeping you from sleeping.
Preparation(s):
Infusion - add 1-2 tsp to 1 cup of recently boiled water. Cover and allow to steep for 15-20 minutes. Strain and enjoy.
Fresh plant tincture - 1-4 dropperfuls, 1-3 times per day in a little water (MUIH)
Reishi Mushroom
Latin name: Ganoderma lucidum
Part used: Mushroom fruiting body
Herbal actions:
Increases non-specific resiliency to stress (adaptogen)
Immune supportive
Calming to the spirit
Antioxidant
Cardiotonic
Reishi carries when there is long-term stress where the immune system may be compromised, with frequent sickness, colds, and flus. When stress is unyielding and there is a necessity to shoulder through, Reishi mushrooms increase our resiliency to consistent stressors, provide protective mechanisms for the nervous system, and enhance immunity. It is calming and uplifting to emotions, the spirit, and an overactive nervous system.
Preparation(s):
Pre-extracted powder or capsules - 1 g, twice per day
Dual extract tincture - 1-5 dropperfuls, 3 times per day in a little water
Tips for sourcing bulk healing herbs and herbal products
It’s important to look for the Latin Name of a plant when sourcing to make sure you’re getting what you’re looking for. Some plants with the same common name can come in many varieties or even be completely different plants in different places!
You want to use reputable sources to avoid unethical harvesting, adulteration, and poor quality. Plant compounds are only as rich as the soil they were grown in.
Always consider the sustainability of harvesting and growing practices, and at-risk status of plants. Click here to review my favorite resource for this.
Bulk herbs
When possible, buy local! Mountain Rose Herbs has a directory of local herb growers by region.
Pacific Botanicals (online retailer)
Mountain Rose Herbs (online retailer)
Tinctures
Learn how to make your own! There are many online and print resources available for Herbal Medicine Making. I recommend:
Pre-extracted Mushroom Powders
Which healing herbs are you interested in incorporating into your life?
Let us know in the comments below!
A Note on Botanical Safety: All information is provided solely as a personal resource for maintaining optimal health and wellbeing. The information provided is not medical advice. Herbs are not intended for the treatment of disease, injury, physical, or mental ailment. Always consult your healthcare provider when taking herbs with specific conditions or while taking medications.
References:
Notes and teachings from the Master’s of Science in Therapeutic Herbalism program at the Maryland University of Integrative Health. Courses taught by Andrew Pengelly & Betsy Miller.
Notes and teachings from Matthew Wood from the Matthew Wood Institute of Herbalism.
Sajah Popham, Advanced Clinical Herbalism: The Nervous System [PDF Document].
Sharol Tilgner, Herbal Medicine from the Heart of the Earth.
Thomas Easley & Steven Horne, The Modern Herbal Dispensatory.
About the Contributor
Andie Inscoe (she/her) is a clinical herbalist with a Master’s of Science in Therapeutic Herbalism from the Maryland University of Integrative Health. Tailoring herbal remedies, lifestyle, and food recommendations, Andie offers virtual herbal consultations for creating sustainable practices that support nourishment, balance, and healthy function of the mind, body, and spirit.
Andie is passionate about working alongside folks who feel run down and at odds with their health/lifestyles, want to connect more fully with nature, and are looking to dig deeper and connect with their own fundamental ability to life and healing. Together they seek to understand what’s going on underneath symptoms and strategize ways to best support themselves in this moment.
3 Ways generational trauma impacts your ability to be your own boss
I’ve noticed as of late, we are having a more open dialogue about the impact of childhood traumas.
We may find it easy to notice how our trauma shows up in our relationships, but what about how it may show up in our work environments and career choices?
Specifically with wanting to be our own boss.
It’s easy to want to go off on your own when you are sick and tired of other people telling you what to do.
What happens when you take the leap and become your own boss?
Unresolved trauma can prevent you from getting what you truly want–freedom, flexibility, and success.
Whether you’re in the beginning stages of entrepreneurship or have already taken the plunge, it’s so important to be mindful of past traumas.
In this blog, you’ll discover what generational trauma is and list 3 ways that old childhood trauma may show up in your ability to be your own boss.
Written by: Susan Abdel-Haq, LMFT
What is generational trauma?
Trauma is a term that we are starting to have more and more conversations about. Gone are the days when we contextualized “trauma” as being just “ an emotional response to a terrible event.
The reality is that trauma doesn’t just exist as isolated and single incidents.
According to GoodTherapy.org, “Intergenerational trauma (sometimes referred to as trans- or multigenerational trauma) is defined as trauma that gets passed down from those who directly experience an incident to subsequent generations.
Intergenerational trauma may begin with a traumatic event affecting an individual, traumatic events affecting multiple family members, or collective trauma affecting larger community, cultural, racial, ethnic, or other groups/populations (historical trauma).”
This can largely show up in how we were disciplined, raised, and even the messages that we get growing up that shape our core beliefs about ourselves and others.
These patterns are sometimes overt but oftentimes they are more unconscious and require more self-reflection.
How childhood trauma affects your success
Taking patterns from old work environments
Are you…
Valuing the product and services you provide (Aka charging what you are worth)?
Creating a traditional 8 am to 5 pm schedule that previously burned you out?
Holding on to this belief that in order to “make it”, you have to be working 24/7 and answering emails past the work time that you want?
Unfortunately, a lot of work environments may also be reinforcing old beliefs that are no longer helpful such as “You aren’t doing enough”, “You don’t get a say”, or even that your value is solely based on what you “produce”.
It can be easy to repeat old toxic work patterns, but you get to break away from all of that.
You get to create a schedule that you want!
YOU are your own boss now and get to create an income and lifestyle that works for you.
Check back in with the reasons why you left your old position to be your own boss. Are you repeating them?
If your current work setup feels all too familiar, then it could be a sign to make some changes.
Self-Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs about yourself and what you are capable of achieving are often common for folks who have generational trauma.
Examples are:
“That probably won’t work for me”
“No one would pay me for that”
“I could never have what that person has”
When you come from a household where there is trauma such as neglect, emotional abuse, or dysfunctional modeled behavior, it can be extremely hard to release old narratives.
A way to break these patterns is to first start to notice when you are having these self-limiting beliefs then remind yourself why you want to become your own boss in the first place.
Is it to leave a greater impact? Triple your income? Work less? Meet more people?
Embrace the new narrative!
Boundaries (or lack thereof)
Most folks would agree that boundaries are important. However, boundaries are harder to set and enforce when they weren’t healthily modeled in your childhood.
When there has been trauma, people tend to steer in one direction (either being more rigid with no room for flexibility or being too loose and not feeling in control).
There is also often doubt when it comes to your overall judgment and follow-through of boundaries.
Take a moment to really think about what your limits are. Consider things like:
What drains me of my energy?
How many hours do I want to work?
What times do I want to be available?
When/how do I want to respond to inquiries/clients?
Don’t worry if you don’t have it all figured out.
Remember that boundaries evolve over time and give you many opportunities to trial and error certain things.
How to achieve what you really want: Be a good boss to yourself
When you treat yourself well, that’s when you achieve fulfillment, be more productive, and experience more energy.
Imagine how much easier it’ll be to achieve your goals.
However, if you’re struggling with making the most of your time, generational trauma might be impacting you.
As with anything, you can’t change what you can’t see.
That’s why having these 3 ways childhood trauma impacts your ability to be your own boss in your awareness is so beneficial.
The process to becoming your own boss isn’t easy and requires a lot of internal work. However, there is a strength that comes from surviving trauma and that same strength will ultimately lead you to success!
Always remind yourself that being your own boss takes so much courage and vulnerability.
And when in doubt, always go back to why you started your own business, make sure your needs come first, and reach out for support from trusted therapist or coach.
Want to feel confident, in control, and at peace with your time? Click here to get free + supportive resources!
About the contributor
Susan Abdel-Haq, LMFT is a trauma informed licensed psychotherapist practicing in California. Susan is trained in both EMDR and Brainspotting and enjoys integrating other modalities in her clinical work. She is passionate about holding space for people to work through the hard stuff and tap into their strengths. Susan specializes in working with folks who are struggling with relational trauma, Narcissistic abuse recovery, toxic family of origin work, people-pleasing, substance-use disorders, anxiety, and exploring aspects of their cultural identity to work towards healing.
Franco, D. F. (2021, January 7). Understanding intergenerational trauma: An introduction for clinicians. GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog. Retrieved June 10, 2022, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/Understanding_Intergenerational_Trauma
*Disclosure: I only recommend products I would use myself and all opinions expressed here are our own. This post may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission. Read full privacy policy here.
12 Simple ways to celebrate yourself without spending a dime
The antidote to being exhausted: Celebrate yourself
You're working extremely hard to make your goals and dreams happen.
Even though you love what you do, you're exhausted.
You're often hard on yourself because you feel like you should be further ahead or doing more.
When someone says, “Take a break,” you don't even know what you would even do with that break.
If you’re feeling any of these things I just listed above…I see and hear you.
You are working really hard trying to do what you might feel is enough, but is really the job of like 5 people.
In this blog, I'm going to share with you why celebrating yourself is so important and some ideas on how to reward yourself so you can stop downplaying your strengths and achievements, and feel your best.
It's time to celebrate how amazing you already are!
Why celebrating yourself is key to success
We live in such a fast-paced society, and we are taught from when we're kids in school all the way until we retire to get as much stuff done as we possibly can. When we care more about the number of tasks done, it’s easy to minimize what gets done and our efforts. That's why the conversation around burnout has become so loud.
When you only think about what's next, your goals, and the future, you deplete yourself.
When you’re depleted you’re not your best. It’s difficult to be productive, creative, and thoughtful when you’re drained.
How do you remedy this?
Since you’re here, you can guess: Celebrating yourself.
When you celebrate yourself for the things you do get done, you’ll have more energy, motivation, and momentum allowing you to achieve your goals much faster (and easier).
When you reward yourself, you're building your self-accountability muscle helping you follow through easier and procrastinate less.
When you pause and acknowledge yourself, your confidence and self-worth grow.
The result? Feeling fulfilled and content.
How to reward yourself without spending a dime
One common misconception I hear is that people believe they must spend money on themselves in order to celebrate and reward themselves. They think of going to a spa, going out to a fancy dinner, going online shopping, or even going to a store.
What happens when you don’t have the extra funds or time in your budget to do those things? You feel like you can’t celebrate yourself.
While there's nothing wrong with spending money on yourself, it’s extremely important to me to make acknowledging yourself more accessible.
Here we go!
1. Pat yourself on the back
Literally. In the past when I’ve finished a small task, I will pat myself on the back, give myself a high five, or someone else who’s around me. (Usually my husband)
2. Be your own cheerleader
Stand up and celebrate, cheer, shimmy, dance, or do anything that feels really good to just give yourself that energy.
3. Verbalize it
You can verbally tell yourself, “good job,” “way to go!” “hell yeah, (insert your name)” out loud or in your head. You can say anything that feels good and celebratory.
4. Share it with someone (or yourself)
Text or call a loved one to share something that you are proud of yourself for doing. You can also just write it down on a piece of paper.
I used to use my paper planner as a have-done list, where instead of all the things I wanted to get done, I wrote down everything I did.
5. The beloved bath
Take a luxurious celebratory bubble bath, of course, if you have a bathtub. Think: How can I make this bath feel like a luxury spa treatment? Oils, candles, music, tech-free, flowers, herbs.
6. Pick yourself a wildflower bouquet
Go for a walk, pick flowers and bring a little flower wildflower bouquet home to yourself.
7. Soak in nature
Grab a blanket, lay outside, cloud watch, and enjoy the weather. If it’s not sunny, run around in the rain.
8. At-home spa day
Take inventory of the things you already have at home that would make a nice at-home spa day (also, see the beloved bath above). You could: Paint your nails, give yourself a facial, and if you have one willing, get a partner to give you a massage.
9. Look in a mirror
Check yourself out in a mirror and say something meaningful or silly: “You go!!!” or “Damn, I'm fine!”
10. Have fun in the kitchen
If you like baking or cooking… check your inventory and bake something that you’re in the mood for.
11. Pass it forward
Being of service is one of those things that feels really good to my soul while making a difference in my community. Volunteer or give back to an organization you care about.
12. Permission to be “lazy”
Give yourself some guilt-free trash TV Netflix, scrolling Insta/Tik Tok time, or a delicious nap. Taking time off might feel extra challenging, read more about why you feel guilty here.
Wondering which idea to pick, or didn’t find something for you?
You can come up with your own way to celebrate yourself because the ideas are truly endless.
Pause, tune out the noise, and ask yourself, “What would feel joyful, energized, and really good to my soul?”
That’s your answer!
Once you have an idea of what feels good to you, open a note on your phone or take out a post-it note at your desk and write them down to easily come back to.
Caution! It can be easy to fall into the trap of toxic productivity with your rewards.
A lot of time, people think, “I want to clean the house, I want to weed the garden, etc.” While those are amazing to get done… Does your inner self really want to do the dishes? Go outside and mulch? Maybe! So make sure to check in with yourself first.
When (and how to actually) celebrate yourself
Another common misconception is that you have to wait until the very end of your project. For example, if you're building a website, it took me months and months and months to build my website and I felt like I couldn't celebrate myself until the entire big website was launched and ready to go.
That's not true! You don't have to wait until the end of big projects. In fact, the more you celebrate the small milestones, the more motivated and energized you’ll be.
Celebrating yourself can be a daily, weekly, biweekly, monthly, or intuitive practice.
In terms.of making sure I actually celebrate myself, I schedule time in my calendar. At the end of each day, I have an event to review what I did as well as at the end of each week to do a more thorough review.
So I’m curious: What frequency would feel appropriate to you? How might you make celebrating yourself a priority?
Let me know in the comments below!
Want to feel more confident, in control, and at peace with your time? Click here to get free + supportive resources!
How to take care of yourself when you have the winter blues
How to take care of yourself when you have the winter blues
Once the holidays pass and deep winter sets in, it's easy to forget that this is traditionally the season to slow down and rest.
Especially because we’re inundated with posts and workshops about setting goals and making plans for the new year.
Extra especially because most modern-day cultures and economies do not shift with the natural seasons. Can you imagine Walmart or Target and the oil industry opting to slow down or close? Ha.
However, nature doesn’t stay at top speed and max growth all year round. And guess what? As human beings, we are nature!
That’s why millions of people in America alone experience winter blues. Or more intensely, "seasonal affective disorder", also known as "seasonal depression.”
As business owners, it can feel extremely difficult to slow down. But it doesn’t have to be.
You have a unique opportunity to create a culture within your life and your business to shift with the seasons.
You became a small business owner to do this exact thing.
How to “beat” the winter blues
I'm just going to go ahead and say it: I hate the cold.
In the winter, my body hurts, I'm not motivated at all, and I just want to eat a bunch of food and hibernate. My husband basically has to drag me out of the house to get outside because of how much I hate the cold.
If you’re with me or you typically have lower energy and motivation in the winter months, you are not alone. Millions of people experience a sort of winter blues or seasonal depression. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for wanting and/or needing to slow down in the winter.
In fact, I’d say you’re extremely in tune with yourself and I’m celebrating that about you.
Understanding why the winter blues happens to you
Internal and external factors greatly affect how we manage our time, get things done, and achieve our goals. In order to more holistically manage your time, taking them into account is extremely important. Want some examples?
Internal factors are our mental health, physical health, energy levels, menstrual cycle (if you have one), and more.
External factors are like the weather, our physical space, astrology (if you believe in astrology as I do), geographical allocation of resources, policies, and more.
As humans, we can’t ignore them. We have to work with them, including during the winter.
When you think of wintertime, what do you think of?
Cold weather
Long and dark days
Trees, plants, and things that have died off and don't grow for months
Animals hibernate or migrate to warmer places
Death and decay
Slowing down
Sleeping
Wintertime as an external factor causes a major shift in our bodies where they want to slow down and rest more.
So when winter rolls around and you have a ton on your plate, big goals, packed schedule… your body wants to do the exact opposite. This makes it extremely difficult for you to feel motivated, get focused, and be productive in the same way as other seasons.
Feel the urge to slow down, a lack of motivation, or an increase in negative self-talk in the winter months?
Then you are someone who is impacted by seasonal changes, and it’s extremely important to learn how to work with this external factor.
Shift your mindset around beating the blues
Most articles talk about beating the blues as if you’re in a fight against yourself. That’s not helpful for anyone.
You don’t have to beat the blues. You don’t have to be productive right now. You can rest more, and still be successful.
Shifting your mindset around beating the winter blues looks like:
Not suppressing the urge to rest and forcing yourself to work at high speed.
Letting go of the pressure to operate at the same speed you might during other times of the year.
Taking the best care of yourself through it…which typically means slowing down, a lot.
Doing what you need to do to come out on the other end prepared and ready for the next season to begin.
Listen to your body
Winter is the best season to practice being more mindful and listening to what your body needs. Your body wants to slow down, wants care, and wants ______. (You fill in the blank: What does your body need right now?) Mine needs a NAP.
This season is also a great time to lower self-expectations, do the bare minimum, reflect on your life or business, watch Netflix without feeling guilty, or just sit in front of a fireplace and chill.
Doing the bare minimum, slowing down, and resting might feel challenging at first. Listen to what your body needs and wants, and let go of the rest of the stuff until there's more sunlight.
Welcome this opportunity to rest and recharge because it doesn’t come very often in our society and our businesses.
Max out your sunlight time
Keep as many window shades as you can open as much as possible to allow more sunlight into your home.
When you feel brave, bundle up and get outside. I try to as much as possible but as I said, I really hate the cold. But, whenever I actually go outside it really helps me.
Prioritize movement & nourishment
I typically prioritize movement all year round, but I have to even more in the winter because I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing. So, I create a list of all the current ways I love to move my body and schedule them 3-4x a week in my calendar when I’m most energized and motivated.
Then, I incorporate warmth. This looks like going to hot yoga, exercising in front of a heater, or bundling up and getting outside. But I try to move 3-4 times a week, even if it's just like dancing around my house for a couple of minutes.
By the way, there are some awesome gentle & free movement classes on YouTube. Click here for my personal playlist of yoga and mindful movement classes.
Another thing that I prioritize all year round, but especially so in the winter is eating healthy and taking vitamins. In the winter when we’re feeling less likely to move our bodies and eat healthily, even just taking vitamin D and C helps me feel like I’m doing everything I can to stay healthy and well.
How might you prioritize taking care of your body in the winter?
Make loving decisions for you & your business
What I mean by this is making decisions that are grounded in self-love. If taking a trip to a warmer climate (COVID permitting) would be loving, do it. If taking a nap would be loving, do it. If it feels like you’re forcing yourself to move and eat healthily, don’t do it.
If taking a bunch of stuff off your to-do list is loving, do it. If saying no to another client is loving, great. If you don’t feel like marketing right now, that’s cool.
Use this season to be more loving towards yourself in the decisions you make.
Additional external support
In the winter, I seek out more support than in other seasons of the year.
I am a huge advocate of getting support whether it be from a therapist, coach, friend, or something else. Especially if you’re winter blues is intense.
Why? Because sharing with someone else the shoulds I feel to do more in the winter helps me release them.
Consider investing in some accountability or external support around this time to make sure that you take really good care of yourself, in the winter specifically.
How will you “beat the blues?”
Recognizing you have the winter blues and taking care of yourself throughout the winter is how you can beat the blues, successfully manage your business, and be prepared and ready spring.
What specifically will you do to beat the blues? Comment below on what you are going to do differently this year.
Want support with shifting with the seasons so you can successfully run your business and take really good care of yourself? I can help! Click here to book a free consult call.
Why taking time off is so hard and how to do it without feeling guilty
Why taking time off is so hard and how to do it without feeling guilty
Resting and taking time off is not exactly glamorous or sexy. But… Do you know what is?
Feeling energized, motivated, and joyful on a regular basis. And being successful without having to work all the time.
If that's what you're into or looking for, taking time off and rest is non-negotiable. So why is it so challenging to put everything aside and make time for you?
By the end of this blog, you will understand why it's so hard for you to take time away from your business and what to do about it.
Why is taking time off so hard (even when you plan for it)?
Puppies.
Confused? Let me explain.
If you’ve ever had a puppy, you know how much work they are. It makes me tired just thinking about getting one.
Your whole life revolves around your precious new pup. You have to continuously take care of it and train it so it doesn’t go to the bathroom inside. It wakes you up all hours of the night. When you go to work, you have to put your puppy in a crate so it doesn’t chew your entire living room apart.
Guess what happens when you are done with work?
Your puppy is so excited to see you! But you can’t just flop on the couch and relax… your puppy NEEDS to use the bathroom and run around to get all its energy out.
Now, imagine that your mind is that puppy.
You’ve been working, doing, and going for your entire life keeping your thoughts and feelings in that metaphorical crate. When you take time off, you’re confronted with all of it.
Resting is not a piece of cake
Hustle culture, societal and familial norms, self and other people’s expectations, and basically everything that we’ve been taught since the first grade is to get things done.
Our entire economy is based on labor and output, with one goal in mind: non-stop growth.
Our minds are wired to constantly think about all the things we have to do.
That's why so many people say they feel lazy or behind when they pause, take time off, and rest. And that’s why it feels so much easier to continue to work and stay busy until you basically HAVE to rest (equivalent to burnout).
Now you might have some more clarity around why it’s so difficult to rest. However, logically even when you know something, it can still be incredibly difficult to do
Especially when you are an entrepreneur and you feel like your business will fall apart when you take time away from it. If you feel like this, there are many different things you can do to let go of that misunderstanding. Click here to find out how I can help you create a healthy foundation for you to take time away from your business.
If resting is hard for you and you want to learn more about how our societal norms, capitalism, racism, and the patriarchy impact your ability to rest, follow the nap ministry. They have taught me so much!
What’s possible when you take time for you?
When you pause, take time for yourself, and rest you get to sit with yourself.
You get to notice and feel your feelings.
You get to examine, reflect, acknowledge, and celebrate yourself.
You get to notice what’s going well, and what needs to change.
It might feel like a lot. Just like a real puppy, when it first gets out your thoughts and feelings may feel overwhelming. But by continuing to work and delaying time off, you keep your metaphorical puppy in its crate dying to get out.
That’s why I recommend having someone to support you through this journey.
Curious about what’s waiting on the other side of the initial puppy wild energy?
When you take more time off, you’ll be able to…
Be present for the things that deeply matter to you (your loved ones, your health, etc.)
Regularly feel refreshed, energized, and creative (not only to be more productive later).
Heal any underlying feelings of unworthiness, scarcity, and insufficiency.
Start feeling more fulfilled, alive, and successful.
Shift your mindset around time so every day doesn’t feel like a stressful high-speed race.
Find what being content and at peace looks like to you.
Start believing in things like divine timing and increase your patience.
Begin to feel more confident in yourself and how you spend your time.
Increase your self-trust, self-discipline, and self-love.
The list goes on and on.
However, I always say when you regularly rest and take time for yourself, you begin truly living.
If you want any or all of those things, learning how to take more time off and be with yourself is your answer.
How do you take guilt-free time off?
There are some tangible solutions and non-tangible solutions. And the solutions you need are completely unique to you, your business, and your life.
How you might create more time off and rest without feeling guilty could look like:
Identifying that you have a desire to make more time for yourself.
If you often say or feel, “I never have enough time,” healing a time scarcity mindset.
Setting and keeping firmer boundaries around your time off.
Aligning your schedule and working hours.
Adopting a mindfulness practice to handle the thoughts and feelings that come up when you rest.
If you can’t rest because you need to work to pay the bills, figure out how much money you actually need to create a plan and schedule to reach that number.
Learning how to be more compassionate with yourself because you can’t heal guilt with more guilt.
Planning your time more realistically (no more overcommitting and over-scheduling).
Ask yourself, “What might be my next step so I can rest and reap the benefits of guilt-free time off?”
As a holistic time coach, discovering how to reach your goals and take more guilt-free time off is one of the ways I help the business owners I work with.